Toddler bullying

This has nothing to do with food or money saving tips. It has to do with parenting. My son and I attended a forth of July party with a bunch of good friends who also have kids around my son's age. We haven't hung out much since the kids turned 2, and honestly I didn't have much expectation when it comes to the kids playing.

Coming unprepared turns out to be a bad thing. My son used to be a little bully and I was spending more time telling him to not hurt others or take other people's toys. Finally my little bully is now a little angel. He doesn't bully or take other's people's toys or have tandrums if he doesn't get his toys.

Well that is apparently also a problem when other people condone bullying behavior or are still dealing with their kids' territorial issues.

We brought a ball today for the kids to play with together. My son was more than happy to throw balls with other kids, because what's the fun just to play by himself! I'm very proud that he likes to play with other. I was not as thrilled when one of the girls grabbed the ball, and refused to throw to my son. I made a point with the girl that if she doesn't play with my son, I'll take the ball away because the ball is for everyone to play with. Not to mention, my son kept saying "throw to me. I'll catch". After making a few comments, the girl finally threw the ball to my son, a couple times. And eventually she went off and held the ball. My son was a bit disappointed but he was ok with sharing. I didn't do much because my son wasn't too hurt by it. But thinking back, I realized that I should've follow through with my original comment.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just let the kids duke it out, but if there isn't an equal amount of parenting from both sides, I have to step in. Because my son needs to know how to defend himself too! Next time, if someone refuses to play together, I'll tell my son to stand up and say that the toy is for playing together. And the child that refuses to play together, don't get to play with it.

And there was also another situation where one child was playing with a toy for a long time, and my son really wants to play with it. When that child finally moved on to something else, I told my son that he can play with it. But then the other child came back and took the toy away. At the time, I said that "oh he's not done yet, so we'll wait for our turn". Again, thinking back, maybe I was being too nice to the other child. If the child isn't playing with the toy, he/she loses the turn. That's how I teach my son, and that's the rule that should apply on both sides. What I should have done is to teach my son to say that it's his turn now and he shouldn't have to give it back up. And since my son wasn't sure how to take it back, I should've stepped in and kept the other child from reclaiming it.

Bottom line is that with children, they should learn how to play fair. Even though I cannot teach other children what to do, I should teach my child how to be fair and defend himself when others are not fair, and be prepared to step in if my child's efforts aren't efficient. Being too nice to friends' children isn't necessary a good thing. There is a time for sharing and there is a time when it is okay not to share. A child may misconstrue my effort to be nice as teaching him that he should always give up, and that is certainly not a good thing.

So lessons learnt, I'll have to remind myself to read this blog before my son playdates!